Feeling bad about myself, but tomorow I'll be standing...

So I’m much of a silent person now, at least in here.
I think I never grew as much as in the last 6 months…and I’ve never been so aware of the much I have to grow…or better, the more I have the illusion I’m growing as a person, the more I notice I am so far away from being completely mature…so am I really going backwards or am I developing a Socratic perspective of: the more I know the more I notice I don’t know anything at all!

But I’ve been so self-centred…so selfish that I could puke of sickness when I’m confronted with my selfish self…I trying so hard to become something that I’ve always believed I could be. Some goals in my life took time and right now I’m becoming too desperate to achieve them that I’m swallowing their existence.
Ok, today I feel like crap about myself…today I wanted to be swallowed by the earth…today I wanted to have a fresh clean piece of paper to write everything over again, but my fear is if I would write it all just back again in the same way! At this point of time in my life I’m not proud of me…what have achieved that has led me somewhere? You all are leading me somewhere, because I alone would be lost into nowhere.

I.M.H.