Trouble With Dreams

A glittering star showed me three days ago, in a letter she wrote me, how coward this way of expression can be...how I defend myself from failure by using only written words to communicate an ideal self that I’m not. I hide myself in this calculated and structured speech, visited and revisited in a way to hide my failures, imperfections and functional emptiness of my imagined perfect worlds…I hide my incoherence of the non verbal with the verbal speech: it’s in some way a way to hide my body language…my id-ego speech! I can only conclude that this is my greater form of super-ego talking, cause I’m nothing that I write here but at the same time I wished to be every word I express…dissociations of the mind from the body, as two different entities working alone but together at the same time.
So I hide myself from you…I fear you and your existence even desiring you…
I fear everyone of you, idealizing that you are really what I see and suppose you desire, and I am everything opposite to what I show you…some people stay as the way I first perceive them, other get worst and other get better, but I suppose I have the same effect on a lot of you.
Thanks for your royal wake up call from my pedestal,

A slow Mutant Hysteria Imploding (I took 3 days to write this post)…I was disarmed by a southern wind