Music towards...

Pictures by I.M.H. for Time Fractions

I anxiously await for certain moments in life…certain happenings just swallow our attention…I want to “Sail to the moon” (song performed by Radiohead on the album Hail to the thief)…with yOU…
And I realise I am lost in this city…three pillars are gone and I stumble into loneliness…I still don’t belong here even I demand my self to be here as quick as I want to make my self believe so…I want to swallow my self into….music…so I listen to music…all kind…

Hysterical Mutations into Implosion.

Music Towards Venice, towards us...

Grow, a better man...

“To here we go…sail us to the moon”
Photograph by Frantisek Staud, taken from the internet site: http://phototravels.net/venice/venice-dark.html on the 29th of April 2006 at 3h26m

Every time I look back on what I write, the less I can project my self into that past…I’m evolving, in which direction I don't know, but I am. I'm daily confronted with what makes me become more of a man and less of a child without losing the ability to play…but I’m still so far away from wisdom…I’m so far away of being whatever would give me a complete fulfillment.
I want everyday to grow further away…I really want to become bigger, brighter, wiser, smarter, more sensitive, more fulfilled…I just want to be a better man. I want to reach that 5 after putting together 2 + 2…will I be able to do it?

I’m testing myself…yOU are testing me…you and you are testing me too…we are testing on everyone and that has no wrong side if that testing is not based on “Pigs, in a cage, on antibiotics…” but on respect…we all want to grow from us and others and do not be afraid to test with respect and let yourself be tested by others…we will all grow better!
I’m so ridiculously small…

I.M.H.

Feeling bad about myself, but tomorow I'll be standing...

So I’m much of a silent person now, at least in here.
I think I never grew as much as in the last 6 months…and I’ve never been so aware of the much I have to grow…or better, the more I have the illusion I’m growing as a person, the more I notice I am so far away from being completely mature…so am I really going backwards or am I developing a Socratic perspective of: the more I know the more I notice I don’t know anything at all!

But I’ve been so self-centred…so selfish that I could puke of sickness when I’m confronted with my selfish self…I trying so hard to become something that I’ve always believed I could be. Some goals in my life took time and right now I’m becoming too desperate to achieve them that I’m swallowing their existence.
Ok, today I feel like crap about myself…today I wanted to be swallowed by the earth…today I wanted to have a fresh clean piece of paper to write everything over again, but my fear is if I would write it all just back again in the same way! At this point of time in my life I’m not proud of me…what have achieved that has led me somewhere? You all are leading me somewhere, because I alone would be lost into nowhere.

I.M.H.

If I could just keep my stupid mind together...

Today someone called me a depressed person that is not aware of his depression!
I laughed, for the first time in my life after such an analysis, I laughed…

Cause today I became aware there are loads of things in my life I don’t control, and I have a fake illusion of control over it…even a selfish one, cause believing I make such a difference is just a matter of selfishness…

I spare my existence for nothing but me…for nothing but my sphere rolling on itself, on its own surface, on its on inside-in-out-outside texture. Even so I still believe I have to give the best of me, but from the moment I know I gave my best, there should be nothing to question or to be afraid of. But can we really drain all the possible hypothesis so we come to the conclusion that we really did our best? I think so…if we can calmly analyse the situation, we may get there, even I never felt it…

I’m growing…I can not please everyone…I can not be there for everyone…choices have to be made in life…but the ones that really need us, should know without hesitation, that I am here!

Thanks for reading and I dedicate to all of you this marvellous song performed by Sparklehorse on the album Good Morning Spider called: “Maria’s little elbows”. And to yOU I dedicate the song "I'm so sick of goodbyes" from the same performer and album.

I.M.H.