Monday, June 27, 2005

Climbing up the walls...hey man(idiot), slow down!

Photo by I.M.H.

Picture handeling by "Time Fractions"

Hiding behind my fears of illusion-perfectionism…
The way I move around sometimes disappoints even my self…my fear to fail drags me nowhere, because I’m more willing to maintain nothing than to lose something. All these doubts take me nowhere even when I want what I shouldn’t get…but it’s what apparently I shouldn’t get that should tell me yes or no, it’s not my will…I puke towards my cowardness…the inside-out is apparently so clear while the inside in is so foggy.
Yes, I want you, and you too…
Yes, I want to taste you and smell you closer…
Yes, I want to unfocuss my sight because I’m looking too close at you…
Yes, I want to listen to you breath as my hand slowly travels across your skin…
Yes, I want so many of you, that I don’t know who I want, so I’ll hide behind my hand.

I’m at ease, “(…)calm, fitter, happier…babies smiling in back seat…keep in contact with old friends…favours more favours…at a better pace…no self employed...do not cry in public…still cries at ugly film…still kisses with saliva…like a cat tied to a stick that’s driven into frozen winter shit…calm, fitter, healthier, more productive. A pig in a cage on antibiotics.” - Parts from “Fitter Happier” performed by Radiohead on the album Ok Computer.

This is real cowardness, sorry for wasting your (and my) time. I’m just CLIMBING UP THE WALLS.
I.M.H.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Celebate the moon

Foto: Ross Hailey
Source: www.publico.clix.pt on the 22nd of June 2005 at 16h04m

The moon, has a dark side…but why call it dark just because it never sees the sun light? Why not call it unknown side, because the inside of the moon also never gets in contact with the sun light but it’s not called “dark”.
This moon exhales the past days and that is why it represents so well how they were: warm!
This grey satellite of our planet with huge subtle influence on our daily physiology implodes, in silent hysterical screams, major mutations…this blog only represents a side of the entire elliptic sphere that constitutes my self…it’s the reflection of a daily existence summarized and digested.
The absence of major light sources, more abundant at night transports me towards this other sides of whatever I am…of whatever I make myself believe you are, trying to touch your dark sides…the ones the light does not expose…that ones I want to gradually taste, to passively listen to, to gently caress, to slowly smell...and without seeing, I want to create an image of it. Maybe it’s the music I’m listening[(Sigur Ros, performing the album ( ) ]to that slows my visions…maybe it’s due to an email I received today from special bird with Spanish tints on its feathers…maybe it’s just my way of perceiving the outside-in.
Of course the celebration of the sun melts in the celebration of the moon, as the celebration of the moon melts in the celebration of the sun…and the sphere is gaining stability and consistency for a few hours…maybe just minutes…but it will maintain its search for all the inside in and out as it perceives the outside in and outs…thank you all for reading and maintaining this spinning tendency, over itself and the spinning of the axe.

I.M.H.

P.S. – A global post…not a particular one in the majority of aspects.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Celebrate the sun.

Foto: Matt Dunham/AP at Stonehenge

Source:
www.publico.clix.pt on the 21st of June 2005 at 14h47m


To celebrate the sun…to move towards it…to jump towards it…one of our greatest forms of energy, and without it, our species, as we know it, wouldn’t exist. At the same time it can kill us, burn us, blind us…like everything in life, too much of it will kill you.

I’m swallowed by feelings of dawdling…another cross road appears in my life as my elliptic sphere slowly perceives every possibility it can take…for the past years I can not achieve a long term stability in some variables in my life, demanding myself to change constantly. The liquid inside the sphere is dense, but everything outside happens so slowly and I feel no sphere close enough to perceive it…maybe it’s because my inside-in is reflecting too much of myself and not enough of the outside-in and at the same time I think I’m transmitting a fake inside-out. The surface is slippery and the dense liquid with low outside resistance makes an abrupt movement become incontrollable.

So I’m going to enjoy the sun and jump towards it.
I’m imploding into internal hysteria while all this mutations swallow me.

I.M.H.

P.S. – Are you listening to me or are this silent screams swallowed by my inside-in?

Friday, June 17, 2005

Plastic Flowers

Time Fraction

Plastic flowers derived from a fake plastic tree…will they create fake plastic memories? Of course not…because they are not given as coming from a fake plastic tree…it’s not the flower that matters, but the gesture…but as simple as natural it seemed, I was very positively surprised by it…

The city exhales heat…the warm weather makes everything appears slower, as being part of the matrix movie…the smells become more intense…the light is more intense…the sounds more distant…my body gains sensations that demand a bigger attention…I'm sweating, I have to move slower. I have to look for shadows! I have to drink! More parts of my body hitch…and my mind is absorbed by all this small, but suddenly significant physiological functionalities! I feel like a cannonball floating (Copyright from Damien Rice’s song Cannonball). But I’m floating, even if it feels like a cannonball, and that’s what matters: to be able to float, not drag myself through every single moment. Let yourself float with me…
But at the same time I enjoy all this behaviours I observe in people…I like seeing them troubled with their bodies and those of others…I’m easy to please, cause I find amusement in nearly everything…but everything has to be in it’s right place. Twenty eight years took me right here…where will another twenty eight take me? Further away, but honestly I’m just concerned where tomorrow will take me…

Thanks for that flower in particular…
I.M.H.

P.S. – Of course sometimes I write specifically directed to somebody in particular, and in this post that is more than obvious…but not the entire post. Thanks for making me feel that you are being you when I'm with you...

Monday, June 13, 2005

A Day Fraction.

No elliptic spheres...no gravity...no speed...no sound...no silence...no nothing...28 years ago, I was born on the 12th of June 1977...Just a date, nothing special or particular, but a process of giving me an independent body…from that moment, physically I became one, even not being aware of it at the beginning…my conception was about 9 moths before, but when did I start to role? Some time ago…………I don’t know and just sometimes I care about it.

Today I just want to thank everybody that spared some time to remember me and making this individual existence a more involving one, making me realise those physically and spiritually close spheres…all those that made me become me…it was not an amazing day, but it had its little flavours…the ones that make time stop!
To all my various friends, the aromatic ones, tasty ones, colourful ones, touchy ones and melodic ones…and maybe some kinetic ones, a very big and involving THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU ALL, for making me, me…and some of you made this day really special, even that some just took Time fractions!

I.M.H.
P.S. – Time fractions is not a measure, it’s a state of mind.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Mirrors and birds in a warm night in the city

Am I such a dreamer? No I’m not…I’m surprised with my ability to percept reality in such a close to reality, as real as it can be.
The other day I was discussing sphere existence parameters with my close friend x-ina (djFFWD), and he alerted me for one thing: the walls of the elliptic sphere! This are constituted by several materials from inside to it’s outside, but in this world there are some preferential layers of covers, being mirrors the most evident construct. These mirrors can work in 4 dimensions: 1. Inside-in; 2. Inside-out; 3. Outside-in; 4. Outside-out.

So here I go rolling with my ellipse, turning my mirrors, my acrylic, my cement wall…….so many possible surfaces, like a chameleon, adapting himself to the environment, trying to blend but not always choosing the right costume…the situation is not only how we want to appear to others, it’s how we really appear, how other perceive the appearance/being/behaviour/(everything that constitutes the existence…lets call it whOLE) and what they extract from it…what I extract from my whOLE, what I want to exhale, to evidence, to reach, to breath, to see, to smell, to find, to touch, to grab…and what others let me…
This sphere is gaining so many dimensions, but I’m still not pleased with the end result…but as days go by, it appears to be more and more complete…another bird just appeared in my life, so unexpectedly, so significantly…so…so bird.

The city breaths a silky breeze through my window…the city is asleep, and I smoothly hang over the place I’ve fallen in love with…it grabbed my and passionately caresses my body as I float over it…the summer makes this nights so warm, but so pleasant…a year has passed, and what remains of everything that was is more of everything that would ever be…
Thanks for reading…really, thank you!

I.M.H.

P.S. – …and blue cigarette-package girls. You know who you are! No it's not you just because you are holding a blue cigarette-package.

“Sometimes a wind blows…And you and I, float in love, and kiss forever in a darkness. And the mysteries of love come clear. And dance in light in you, in me, and show that we are love.Sometimes a wind blows and the mysteries of love come clear.”
Mysteries of Love performed by Anthony and the Johnsons. Originally performed by Julee Cruise, written by David Lynch and Angelo Badalamenti. (I do not like to insert complete lyrics, but with this one it just felt the need to be complete, and not just a specific sentence!)


Thursday, June 02, 2005

The Elliptic Sphere.



Picture Handling and Photographer: I.M.H. & Time Fractions
I don’t want this picture to express a desperate state of mind, of feeling…it’s just a collage I’ve made…revelling a tunnel where my elliptic sphere is rolling! It’s a concept I want to introduce in this world I’m describing (I don’t believe I’m creating it cause I’m only metaphorically describing how I view my existence!) “Se alguém tocar o seu corpo como eu não diga nada!” Fernanda Porto sings in Electricidade.
Why I use this ellipse concept? I'm reading several things that showe me that various mathematicians consider the ellipse the perfect form, because the circle doesn’t exist…about an "elliptic sphere", the pleasant thing is the way I imagine it role on it’s deferent sides…like an egg rolling…it can role faster on the shortest radial diameter, or role slower on its biggest diameter and still make the same distance in the same time! So many possibilities, and what pleases me the most is the possibility of instability when the centre is completely off centre! Or depending on the surfaces…are you still with me? I just keep the word sphere because it pleases me, but from now on I’m referring to elliptic spheres.

The city breeze gently enters through the small holes in my window that is halfway open…while the city gently sleeps it smiles at me caressing my face and trying to disarm me constantly…so I let the guitar weep while I imagine nothing…
Today I noticed several things: First, that there are, of course, several blue cigarette packages girls in my life…Second, I took a look at my past. My past from eight, nine years ago…Billy took me back there and it’s no longer the same…Third (yesterday), Anthony disturbed me with his image, that to me seemed so incoherent with his music. Four, there are still a lot of different bird-situations present in my life…
So for the past days I’ve been going up and down the stairs of that castle not being able to choose a state of mind to stay in…all please me but none is exactly what I’m looking for…am I looking for you? It’s not me I’m looking for, I’m sure…but whom or what? Or maybe just when!
I’m pleasantly alive, even I’m not comfortably alive and sure not conformably!

I.M.H.

P.S. – This goes out to you…specifically to you, yes you…I hope you don’t mind, but I have my doubts you read this…even so, I would keep gently caressing you. Porque: “Você acelerou minha calma.” Fernanda Porto sings in Tudo de bom.