The Idioteque Castle

Origin: www.publico.clix.pt (25 de Maio 2005, 1h57m)

Driving, all night long through a desert, in a desert road, with glittering stars in the sky and a swallowing full moon in front of me. I listen to the sound a guy in my stereo screams…a ghostly existence of my self…my imagination, inside my imagination, imagines how to change the course of this machine searching for the best outcome in a situation of disintegration…and she says hello…and I smile…and she turns around…and I keep smiling…ironically smiling and return to my driving.
As I reach a castle in the middle of nowhere…there are huge lights illuminating the building and the sky…the bottom part of the castle is all red, hells red, while the top tower glitters a calm-caribbean-ocean blue…two security guards wearing masks and black smocking receive me while saying: welcome to the sphere castle, let yourself role and be rolled…your stability depends on your instability!
I walk inside, let them park my car and I listen to a “Personal Jesus” by Depeche Mode performed by Marilyn Manson. So now I let your imagination produce what happens inside this castle…I’m sure you’re part of the story, but are you part of my story? Do you want to be part of my story? Do I want you to be part of my story? Maybe I’ll beg for you to come inside…an endless story as aromatic, colourful, melodic, tasty, erotically touchy friends make up the life of a sphere inside a castle and it’s outside gardens and surroundings…
As we enter this party in a new fascinating location, people wear all kind of masks, from medieval to futuristic costumes…some don’t wear a costume and others don’t wear anything at all. The drinks and substances are already making some effect but not taking you off the ground…the lights gain sound, the sound seems to smell, every smell seems to touch, every touch has a taste…I’m rolling…on level ZERO of the castle.
Now everything seems in its right place as 1=2 and 2+2=5. I am ready for Idioteque.

Hallucinating, as an Imploding Mutant silently screams Hysteria while trying (How) to disappear completely.

P.S. – This goes out to all of you with blue cigarette packages…Yes, now I would like to first gently caress you…very gently.
P.S. – The italic words/sentences in the text refer to Radiohead songs

The Origin of symetry

Photographer: I.M.H.

Production: Time Fractions

From empty wings to empty airwaves…empty thoughts, movements, silence…I transport myself into fractions of time where everything appeared to be perfect and I was too coward to take the risk and be afraid to ruin the moment, the circumstance…our capability to perceive always heavier the negative circumstance in opposite to the positive outcome makes me become angry at myself…sometimes when we want everything we end up with nothing and nothing is always worst than something…

Some days ago I wrote than someone made me see how coward this way of expression can be, and is…it reveals the stupidity of some of my existence and how complaining is so easier than acting, than using the body in synchrony with the mind and make them be one and not retract the body when my mind pushes me in some direction.

So looking at this empty, blue, cigarette package and I travel through my imagination believing I will still have a chance to move and put the body where my mind wants it to be: all over you…where I believe I will be more pleased, but the problem is that it’s not only my sphere in this game, and if it goes wrong I cannot role it back to the starting grid…I feel like a car racer somewhere in the middle of the grid, in a race…I’ve already seen the green light but I can’t still move cause there are some cars in front of me…on the other side I see a gap between some cars and maybe I could reach the front of the race…all this thinking made me loose too much time and I lost the chance I had…so act and do not think…So many spheres, so many places to move, so many chaos, so much of all this things I like…so now I dedicate to you: “Space Dementia” and “Feeling good” performed by MUSE on the album The Origin of Symetry.

So I’m loosing symmetry when I need to gain it. Thanks for taking me of centre on purpose…and subtly shake my sphere from the outside with small movements...

I.M.H.

The sphere inside-out v.s. outside-in...

The sphere that lives and floats in liquid…or maybe some other kind of substance (but I believe liquid gives a better impression of what I want to mean!). Dependant on the surface, of the movement, and now the substance it resides in…the inside liquid and the outside one…gaining centre in a thicker liquid is harder than in air…but if it is the inside of the sphere that is filled with a more dense substance makes it harder to gain centre when we are off it…if we are centred than it’s harder to get off centre, we have a bigger reaction time cause we will move slower, if it is the outside of the sphere that is swallowed in a thicker substance, that it’s harder to move around. The problem is two very different densities outside and inside…maybe the most difficult situation is to have a very dense inside, being off centre, and a very low resistance outside, making the things outside happen very fast that we have no time to react cause we’re fighting inside…of course this can become very positive, due to an incapability to act wrong…all the situations have positive and negative things…now I can imagine loads of possible outcomes for this situations with this different variables:
1) Being centre or off centre inside the sphere
2) The density of the substance that fills the inside of the sphere
a. This will also affect the variable speed while moving inside the sphere and the effort put into the movement.
3) The density of the substance that surrounds the sphere (this can be very different from other spheres, but normally one outside substance affects all the spheres that on a certain moment in time surround a certain sphere).
a. This will also affect the variable speed of the sphere, and the effort put in it to move in relation to the outside.
4) The surface where the sphere is moving on.

This is gaining more and more consistency…I’m pleased with it…cause I’m imploding while exploding into new mutations of my existence…I scream of positive hysteria…I want turbulence…“There is a space here, there is a void, I need to find a little more time, give me time!” Tom Barman sings in the song Dreamsequence #1 performed by dEUS on the album “The ideal crash”
Thanx for smiling at me and making me dream,

I.M.H.

Aromatic friends.

The past days have swallowed my existence into divagations of the body, soul and mind…divagations of my interaction with the world, the way I move and the way my movements evolve in impact waves on everything that surrounds me and by itself is surrounded by something else…the feedback of that wave…the feedback I return to those answers I receive and consciously and unconsciously I reply. I truly believe I’ve evolved in some positive dimensions of other spheres existence…I feel it. On the other side this makes me more and more scared to move towards certain directions but at the moment I prefer to grab on what’s secure than to grab in the dark and lose myself in unstable hypothesis…my flatmate today revealed me that some of her friends she classifies as aromatic friends in opposition to colourful friends…to me it makes some sense this distinction because it just feels different…a colourful friend most of us know what it means, seems more secure and visual, knowing what I’m looking at, and what I want from that person is established…aromatic friends are not so certain, because I don’t really know what visually they means to me (as a complete dynamic picture of what a person is to me, not just an visual static image)…
Do we turn most of the things into visual images? I believe most of the people we do turn into an image but when they become aromatic, it gives us a sensation of insecurity, instability (that I treasure so much!) because we do not have a certain image of it…but on the other side these persons in my mind have more room for mystification and imagination. This expression puts a smile on my face cause it gives some sense to some people I couldn’t find a meaning for…physical attractions, super-ego blockades, intellectual stimulation, uncertain and fascinating worlds, always ready to surprise me, unexpected behaviours, always throwing new perfumes in the air…I can close my eyes and dance with them in the middle of an open field under a star filled sky illuminated by a full moon only following their aroma (“Mausam” performed by Nitin Sawhney in the album Philtre).
Thanks for exploding my world,

I.M.H.

P.S. - And now you ask: Is she one of those friends? No she isn't but the previous two you asked about were...and you are too!

Trouble With Dreams

A glittering star showed me three days ago, in a letter she wrote me, how coward this way of expression can be...how I defend myself from failure by using only written words to communicate an ideal self that I’m not. I hide myself in this calculated and structured speech, visited and revisited in a way to hide my failures, imperfections and functional emptiness of my imagined perfect worlds…I hide my incoherence of the non verbal with the verbal speech: it’s in some way a way to hide my body language…my id-ego speech! I can only conclude that this is my greater form of super-ego talking, cause I’m nothing that I write here but at the same time I wished to be every word I express…dissociations of the mind from the body, as two different entities working alone but together at the same time.
So I hide myself from you…I fear you and your existence even desiring you…
I fear everyone of you, idealizing that you are really what I see and suppose you desire, and I am everything opposite to what I show you…some people stay as the way I first perceive them, other get worst and other get better, but I suppose I have the same effect on a lot of you.
Thanks for your royal wake up call from my pedestal,

A slow Mutant Hysteria Imploding (I took 3 days to write this post)…I was disarmed by a southern wind

Fake Plastic Trees

I.M.H. - Photographer

Picture handling by "Time fractions"

I could walk around, lonely for days waiting for anything to fall out of the sky; like miracle drugs that provide unexpected sensations and lead me to new worlds…I’m drawn towards apathy this days…I feel like standing still, looking up at the sky and just let the birds fly me away in a late afternoon yellow-painted-sky!
I like to capture dead trees cause they are still standing after their life has been taken… they do not immediately surrender to the fatality of what life has pushed them into. Like a dead captain that after his troops have all been killed in a battlefield stands in front of the enemy knowing he is already dead but he is not giving up…small time fractions that reflect all the past ones...seconds that make the difference in feeling we are dying big or small.

All this comes from the fake plastic trees we see in our daily lives…the ones that melt and mould depending on what’s standing in from of them. So I ask for a Talkshow Host to scream his motto into my ears distracting my attention from what my eyes are wanting to see and my hands want to do (“Talkshow Host” performed by Radiohead as a b-side for the single Street spirit (fade out)).

It’s a night of paranoia where I want to destroy everything that disturbs me, and in an asphyxiating way, gently love everyone that pleases me mentally and physically…an orgy with all the ones I love and all those I desire to love…(those five chords are just hypnotising in this song)…

He was not able to distract my attention…he even focused it more…curious the reversed effect it had on me…probably my unconscious just sucked as a denial, what it really wanted to focus on. The sphere was, for a short time pushed into certain direction when I made the conscious decision to go the other way! This is what I like, the unexpected…I desire and vibrate on it…the obvious and unoriginal, at first, does not affect me, but as it becomes constant, it simply irritates me. There are persons who desire nothing else than pseudo-stability (because we are never stable)…I prefer being aware of the instability and even let myself sink in it and get surprised by the unexpected. Even so there are those whom just make my sphere jump of irritation due to their inability to be themselves and just surrender to the obvious.

Put a stop-no-stop on an Imploding Mutant turning into Hysteria.