The year of te rollercoaster.

As the end of a calendar year starts to narrow, al of us start to make a balance of what was were the positive and negative moments of the past year…there are many things that I could start to emphasize, but I will not…I will keep them private.

Even so I could start to look at the initial trimester as a very negative period of my life, or better, I slowly rolled to the top of a rollercoaster mountain, accepting the beginning of a new year…like when we ride a rollercoaster, it always starts with the climbing of the mountain, slowly going to the top as we start to accept that we are fastened to that little cart and that suddenly we will drop.

The drop was heavy, on several battles…but I believe I became stronger…I’m closer to what I really want to be…I’m starting to stabilize and gaining centre in my sphere…the rough, tumultuous and unstable road is clearing…a plain asphalt road seems to lay ahead of me…

Inevitably, 2004 will stay as the year that I was close to build a family, the year I lost my last grand parent (my precious Belgian grandmother); the year I badly hurt and disrespected one of the most important persons in my life; the year I met some precious persons; the year I behaved as an adolescent again (positively and negatively); the year I graduated; the year I re-met some of my best friends that live abroad; the year Portugal nearly won the European Football Championship – and the way I couldn’t enjoy that championship; the year I started a new faze in my life; a year where a lot happened! THE YEAR OF THE ROLLERCOASTER!

How will be the next one? Nobody knows!
Do I want it to be different than 2004? Maybe I don’t.
I just want my cart to keep rolling, and I hope all of your carts role too. I’ll accept life as it comes to me making the best out of it, because I still believe I drive this cart most of the time, I role this sphere, even if it is a bumpy road.
Take care, all of you and enjoy what’s left of 2004 cause your not in 2005 yet!
Kisses and hugs; Love, peace and empathy; Loads of respect!

I.M.H.

All is full of love...

As we come to a crossroad in our lives, we are sometimes obliged to choose a path! Most of the times we have an incredible urge to stand still, watch all the possible directions and meditate on a possible choice we could make, finishing by not making any!

Crossroads!!!...possible ways out, possible ways in…reversible or irreversible decision making points…
Our fear to fail makes us stay several times in the middle of that path…we a afraid to shake the unbalanced homeostatic balance created on a level that does not satisfy us, but satisfies our comfort and our surroundings!
Why are we so restrained to change?…to make heavy choices in our lives? To readapt to something new, to something, that even knowing that it will have a ruff initial faze, afterwards it will always lead to a better circumstance!

Usually I lay on one of the surfaces of my sphere and stay there, not willing to role on another spot…is the sphere still, everything will be still and calm…everything will be in its right place. That’s the problem of not being an isolated sphere living on a single surface! We live among other spheres, on several surfaces depending on the context we are living in. So if we move, everything moves even if it is just slightly!

So when we are on a crossroad, we look around to see what spheres are rolling amongst us. Sometimes we decide to stand still and wait to follow the one who makes de decision…other times we make the decision and the others will follow or suffer collateral damage from it. But not making a decision can also be a source of fear.
Are we really always moved by fear (supposing that it exits in different forms and values!)?
To be continued…

Noches de Boda (Joaquin Sabina)

Con la debida autorización de mi amigo Alex, voy a publicar este poema q tanto significa para el y q me ha dedicado...

"Que el maquillaje no apague tu risa,
Que el equipaje no lastre tus alas,
Que el calendario no venga con prisas,
Que el diccionario dentenga las balas,
Que las persianas corrijan la aurora,
Que gane el quiero la guerra del puede,
Que los que esperan no cuenten las horas,
Que los que matan se mueran de miedo,
Que el fin del mundo te pille bailando,
Que el escenario te tiña las canas,
Que nunca sepas ni cómo, ni cuándo,
ni ciento volando, ni ayer ni mañana,

Que el corazón no se pase de moda,
Que los otoños te doren la piel,
Que cada noche sea noche de bodas,
Que no se ponga la luna de miel.
Que todas las noches sean noches de boda,
Que todas las lunas sean lunas de miel.

Que las verdades no tengan complejos,
Que las mentiras parezcan mentira,
Que no te den la razón los espejos,
Que te aproveche mirar lo que miras.
Que no se ocupe de ti el desamparo,
Que cada cena sea tu última cena,
Que ser valiente no salga tan caro,
Que ser cobarde no valga la pena.
Que no te compren por menos de nada,
Que no te vendan amor sin espinas,
Que no te duerman con cuentos de hadas,
Que no te cierren el bar de la esquina.

Que el corazón no se pase de moda,
Que los otoños te doren la piel,
Que cada noche sea noche de bodas,
Que no se ponga la luna de miel.
Que todas las noches sean noches de boda,
Que todas las lunas sean lunas de miel."

Agaetis Byrjun...The sphere!

Let the flow of one of your favourite slow songs embrace your senses…let yourself float somewhere inside clouds and your most passionate feelings…now follow my thought and feel free to disagree!

Extremes:
Body <> Soul <> Mind
Attraction <> passion <> love
………. <> …….. <> ………

What moves us towards a certain person? Which extremes rule the way we collapse into someone? Is it a body? A soul? A mind?...is it just attraction?…or a passion?…maybe love?…maybe something else!

All moves in circles were we are in the middle but suffer a bigger pressure from of the most extreme points of this circle!
In a curious way of looking, I imagine a hard plasticine sphere rolling with uncertainty on a surface! The plasticine consistency can change over time in function of the boundaries of the sphere. There is always a certain spot or, by deformation, several spots in contact with a specific surface. So the sphere is always moving, faster or slower, in function of the surface and the deformation state of its surface. We live somewhere in the middle of this sphere and by gravitational circumstances we are always pushed against the spot, or spots, that is in contact with the surface…we move the sphere around, but sometimes we are not able to move its position…
These extremes, that determine the surface of the sphere, gain weight on specific moments in time, so they can also move it around.
But I also believe we can be crushed against one of those extremes, what means, to be crushed against the inside wall of the sphere……….we just to make a huge effort to gain centred again and, consequently, control! We influence our sphere, but we are also hugely influenced…
To be continued…

Imploding in my Mutating sphere after a silent Hysteria attack!

Sunset

If i could set with the sun!...
The time I spent wondering why the daylight keeps me awake and waiting for the nightlife…we need the sunshine to breed, recharge, relive – but on the other side - we need the night too wonder around and let our most surreal fantasies become alive!

I love the daylight…I like waking up early and watching everything start it’s daily routines…even better is to stay awake the entire night and when the first beams of light start to glitter from in between the stars, we await, eat something, digest the entire amount of alcohol and every physical and psychological drug or daydream that wonders around in the brain, start to look at the revival of dawn as the dusk of the night becomes past…and we await for the next sunset.
The paradox exists curiously in an option we make: or we recharge the conscious during the day and sleep during the night; or we reload the unconscious during the night and abolish the sunbeams! It’s our options to be aware of which of the two keeps us closer to 0 or closer to 1…which makes us feel better? People normally make the option to find the balance between the two (like working 5 days a week and going out the next two!), but is this the real option? We need the two, so I establish that we abolish sleep!!!! Of course this wouldn’t work…we also need something called sleep to survive as body, mind and soul…

Our conscious needs the day to live, but our unconscious needs the night to breath…
Where is my mind - somewhere in between daylight and moonshine, or in between dusk and dawn…or is it just everywhere!
Unbalance is the key to balance…vote for organized chaos!

There are twenty years to go as soulmates never die (Placebo’s metamorphosis)

P.S.1 – Encore une fois je désire remercier un vrais ami. Une nouvelle forme de oxygène : Merci Alex pour être quiz vous êtes…
P.S.2 – Thanks to those who’ve given me feedback on this page…I love you all…

Everything in its right place...

Today I’ll be writing the subjective world in between two different poles that emerge from our society! Everybody wants the answer for something in a concrete and absolute fashion, I mean, or something equals one or equals zero…
I suppose this obsessive form of viewing reality emerges from the urge of certainty and stability that we search for the way we live life. Science, based on mathematics, tries every day to confirm that this path is the right one. But what happens to everything that lies in-between 1 and 0?…and is the sum of two equal parts always equal to 2, or is it something more (A bit of gestalt!)? Even if we dissect every part that constitutes a specific thing will we be able to explain it as a 1 to 0 relation and the whole of those parts will always be equal to the sum of those same parts?
Are we really based on certainty?…is there always a + and a -?...is there always a black or a white?...
Computers run on 1 and 0…do we too? I don’t know why, but I doubt it…

So I starting to believe that I will never be able to give you anything concrete…I will never be able to give you a secure answer. My answer will always lay in-between 1 and 0…sometimes closer to 1, sometimes closer to 0, sometimes just in-between…

Welcome and thank you for reading…
1=2 as 2+2=5