Fitter...Happier...

So my last post is nothing of an Imploding Mutant Hysteria…
So for the past 3 weeks I’ve been much less of an Imploding Mutant Hysteria…
And of course all of you now know why in a direct form…

For the past three weeks I’ve been discovering other parts of me…not so imploding ones…it doesn’t mean better ones sometimes…(I became aware of how I pre-judge certain situations based on all my past experiences that have nothing to do with the present situations)…within the sphere I am always discovering, reflecting, developing, destroying…imploding-expanding…mutating-degenerating…

So my sphere arises for a complete new episode in my life…my hotel has been blossoming and alive…the sun shines outside…the smoothness of everything I’m feeling resides on the compatibility within spheres and by letting them role inside hotels of hotels that themselves are inside-out hotels…room 2046 is not for rent, it has been bought for the person that just amazingly rolled, pushed, pulled, threw, called and keeps on shaking my sphere across my own hotel (I mean this in a very positive way, don’t misunderstand me)…

This is not a unidirectional post but a post that wants to reach everybody…
Let your spheres be shaken...open your hotels to guests…don’t be afraid of room 2046…don’t be afraid of being yourselves…don’t be afraid to role, to push and be pushed, to pull and to be pulled, to throw and to be thrown across hotels…across rooms…call and respond to calls…shake…and mostly after I let myself loose, I was more and more confronted with 1 = 2 as 2+2 = 5 leading towards 9/3 = 4 while 4x4 = 21…just “Fitter; Happier, More Productive…” from the Radiohead album OK computer on the track “Fitter, Happier”.

I.M.H.

Ba Ba Ti Ki Di Do...

I could only write in here feelings, and what mostly drives me to write here are those feelings...confusions and illusions of states of mind...

But confusions I do not appear to have in relation to what I feel…
I love you so much, that I only want to make you feel it…and write it here out in the open for everyone to read it because I have nothing to hide…AMO-TE bERTA…
So I’m not imploding, I’m expanding…I’m not mutating, I’m developing…I’m not hysterical, or maybe I am :-)…

This may appaer as a personal message to someone, but it’s also an obviuous confession to everyone...

Xavier

Self-feeding-ego-potion...

For times, the sphere roles in its hotel and silently it just keep peaking in the rented rooms and the empty one too (we never know that a hidden guest decided to live in it!).
So I’ve become more silent. So I’m hiding in some room of my hotel instead of staying there in the main hall to show myself and be seen by everyone who decides to take a glimpse at me…Cause on days like today, I'm so scared of me...because I despise the image I see in the mirror.

Today, I passed the day asking my own self, how of a vampire my own ego is towards others…I mean, how much do I suck of others in an unidirectional way so that my sphere only absorbs while approaching the rooms with a malicious intension of own revival, and not in an altruistic way! It’s painful to think as me in that way, but maybe I am so! I don’t like that in me…I do not wish to feed that vampire in me…I want to let it starve of hunger for greed for self feeding “ego-potion”.

Of course we all feed ourselves from others, but this can happen in a non selfish and altruistic way of bidirectional growth and energy feeding…
What I want to mean is that from today on I entered a reflection and analysis period to structure my way of existing towards others and how I “use” them! And how they “use” me! Please let me know if you ever felt sucked dry by me! And Iam sorry if I did.

I.M.H...not wanting to breath "self-feeding-ego-potion"...

In a matter of speaking...

Spheres, hotel rooms that lead us towards 2046, rented rooms…time passes and sometimes we don’t even realize how it does, on other times it just takes so long to pass!
It has been a while now since I wrote here the last time, especially if we look at the near past vomiting that went thru here…ok, I could make myself look strong and stable and say that the things that happen to me the past days were so private that I did not want to publish them here…even this is not completely wrong and I wouldn’t be very dishonest by writing this, the truth is that I’ve been away from my night-awaken-floating…

But I still believe in 2046 Hotel rooms…in discovering them…the way elliptic-spheres role inside them…how different kind of hotels make it more or less difficult to discover their interiors…how the spheres are moving affects the way the hotel is perceived! How the way our feeling affect so much our rolling, our capability to open doors…how we all should be aware of our hotel, of the infrastructure that constitutes it, it’s decoration, what kind of people pass by…how we learn from those experiences…and never be afraid of room 2046.
I was never afraid of room 2046 and the sphere that lives in it, but I’m afraid of myself…that’s what I am always afraid of: not the others, but me.
I LOVE YOU b and I'm so happy that you are letting me love you (Xavier)
To yOU I dedicate: In a matter of speaking, performed by Nouvelle Vague

I.M.H.

On the way to 2046...

Inicia-se uma contagem nova, segundo o calendário católico, desta vez dentro do arquivo 2006. Quando atinjo este dia, há sempre uma esperança de que algo de novo, sempre para melhor, surja na génese de um Janeiro como iniciação de um novo ciclo de 12 meses.
Mas na realidade, o que me resta é efectuar um balanço do que foi dos "12" em 2005!
Um ano particular, provavelmente, pois faz-me sentir que (apesar de a ter conhecido em pessoa, em 2004) encontrei uma das pessoas mais importantes da minha vida. Uma pessoa que desencadeou um panóplia de sentimentos em mim que eu já há muito pensava impossível de despoletar. “Não há amor como o primeiro!” dizem os entendidos, pois eu refuto essa frase, porque quando ele é verdadeiro, não há classificação possível para esse amor! E este que eu sinto neste momento é tão forte. A Killa disse-me que parecia que nunca tinha estado apaixonado! Não acredito que seja isso, mas que este é o mais puro, estruturado, racionalizado e maturo amor que já nutri por alguém: sem dúvida!

Foi um ano de confronto pessoal…com a minha esfera em constante oposição a si mesma. Como se fosse posta em frente a um espelho e esse mesmo espelho questionasse o que estava a ser reflectido. Foi um ano em que mais vezes me senti confrontado, na minha forma de ser, por outras esferas.
Enquanto que em 2004 possuía uma série de acontecimentos externos a mim que marcaram e direccionaram a minha forma de ser, 2005, fui confrontado comigo, a vários níveis e em muitos que não me foi nada agradável ver a minha pessoa como pessoa relativamente aos outros! Obrigado a todos que me confrontaram comigo.
Contudo, 2005 deplotou em mim sentimentos incríveis:Gostaria de salientar a emoção no final do concerto de Sigur Rós no coliseu dos recreios…obviamente que há outros mas que me são muito particulares e não pretendo aqui divulga-los.

No início de 2005 tinha feito a promessa de ser o mais honesto possível…acho que consegui mesmo com algumas falhas…mas vou manter esse repto para 2006 porque acho que não está concluído, pelo menos nos moldes que eu desejaria.

Gostaria de salientar algumas pessoas simplesmente pela presença mais activa na minha vida: Xano, Tonie, Ana, Killa, Killo, X-ina, Patrizia (mi hermanita), Cris, Márcia, Joana (Maia), Ju. Não há uma hierarquia pré estabelecida para esta lista...
b – AMO-TE (por tudo o que significas e és para mim…por tudo o que me fazes querer ser…por tudo o que me fazes sentir…PRINCIPALMENTE POR TUDO O QUE ÉS).

Um bom ano de 2006 para todos,

Xavier a.k.a. I.M.H. a.k.a. Talkshow Host, on the way to 2046!