Unleash a/the dream.

Dreams…are they what we want to be or things that already are?
Sometimes, I walk around not understanding if the moment I’m living is reality or a dream. But aren’t dreams things that we desire to happen or digestions of our daily life? So couldn’t life be all art of a dream instead of life being a part of life?

In things I desire I’m used to not being able to easily reach them…most of the times I’m not able to reach them at all, so I dream about them! So my dream becomes reality and my reality drowns in the dream I, in a persistent form, want to become reality. So the real fuel to move my sphere in the direction of the dream I pursuit lies in a fantasy, of a future I want to become…so, all my live will resides in a ability of my brain to predict a supposed future I work towards!

Tonight I’m going to dream of something new, or maybe not…I’m just going to let my brain float towards a future that awaits me…I know part of my recent future and who belongs in it…who are you drawing inside your future? Do you really want to dream that? Desire is something that moves us and sometimes unleashing it could expand the dreams we want to have. Just don’t stop dreaming…so you can look in he mirror in the morning and smile at the conspiracy as your sphere stabilizes due to all the unleashed desires and wishes.

I.M.H.

Collapse & Combust...

Felling suspicious on the way everything moves, makes me question why? Why I have a will to breath, a will to smell, to taste, to feel, to see, to hear, to move, to stand still, to look, to listen, to wish, to gain, to lose, to pursuit, to follow, to shout, to crave, to love, to be loved, to be hated, to grab, to fear, to face, to show, to exhibit, to annoy, to insist, to give up, to declare, to smile, to kiss, to kiss and taste, to touch, to fuck, to throw up, to drink, to push, to be pushed, to bite, to lick, to cry, to deny, to … to … to be everything I want to be…the difficulty resides in being it at the right time, at the right place…
I usually ask why? At that time, in that place, why did or didn’t I act like that? We question ourselves in a constant trial towards a greater perfectionism.

I suppose a repeated action should become better and better if it is repeated, but curiously I keep on making the same mistakes all over and over again. The only difference is that now I’m able to look at them and laugh instead of punishing myself. The basis of all this is that The Mirror Conspiracy is gaining a different perspective as I evolve into various Mutations of an Imploding Hysteria. The analysis of silence gave me a new way to look into a Mirror and understand the sphere that roles inside the conspiracy. Welcome to an harmonised chaos, and I’m glad you’re all becoming part of it.
I feel 1 is becoming closer to 2 as the sum of (1+1)+2=5.
“When you’re on top of the world sometimes you forget to check out the view!”
Funami, in "Top of the world".

To stabilize is to die, and to die is noise as silence whispers into our senses chaotic harmonized songs that makes our brain spin into unexpected directions.

I.M.H.

The Mirror Conspiracy.

I feel silence…may I be obsessed with the noise that silence projects in my direction.
To percept silence from those directions we are focused on collapsing every other form of non-silence that stumbles on our perceiving organs leads me to conclude that the selectivity of the way I function, lots of times, runs on my disfavour.

Silence, it’s not just towards sound, but I’m using this term as all forms of perception absence…conscious perception absence.
I look into a mirror and many times I see someone else onto witch I have an opinion about…from witch I make judgments and from whom I have preconceptions. Someone who gives me noise and silence. I easily read and interpret my behaviours in the mirror, being able to gain sound from silent moments. But as I walk away from it I do not assume them, gaining the usual posture I had before I stood in from of it.
A probable mirror conspiracy… (to be continued)

I.M.H.

The Bowler's Daughter...

My sphere is tingling with the different ways of being in the world.
In a world where we try to make us all look alike, I realize we are all so different…we seem to desire the same things, but we want the differently…we breathe them differently…we smell the differently…we see them so differently…
We are all looking for something that we don’t know what it is, and when we suddenly seem appear to have the vision that we found it, it is never equal to what we imagined…or as we desired. It’s not pessimism, it’s realism…our expectations appear to be normally higher than reality…on the other way, we easily settle for less. What I mean is that we easily acclimatize to something that doesn’t fulfil us and we adapt everything, from expectations, demanding, ways of breathing, seeing, smelling…

“Stones taught me to fly

Love taught me to lie

Life taught me to die

So it's not hard to fall

When you float like a cannonball (…)

(…) Stones taught me to fly

Love taught me to cry

So come on courage!

Teach me to be shy

'Cause it's not hard to fall

And I don't wanna scare her

It's not hard to fall

And I don't wanna lose

It's not hard to grow

When you know that you just don't know”

Damien Rice – “Cannonball”

I.M.H. – Silence is like a shadow that keeps following me.

A stupid post...an honest one.

Numbers…ruling the way I function, as I said yesterday…I would like, that the person that visits this blog, and becomes number 100 on the hit counter would let a small message, or just the name, on a comment. Just Mutant suppositions I like to make.

These days have been days of reflection and catharsis…I settled for this year a quite difficult task for me: To be as honest as possible. Curiously, the movie I saw in January and stained in my mind is a very honest movie. It’s called “Closer” directed by Mike Nichols…
Being honest is really transporting me to a state of chaos…it’s a mutation process that is confronting not just my present, but also my past. The energies from the “strings theories” appear to have reached several distances and everyone is asking me questions about me and my past – and now I have to be honest! Some of you that are reading this are probably thinking that till now you’ve handling with a big hypocrite! I don’t believe so, but it’s the little omissions, denials and lies from our daily life that I’m here speaking about. It’s about the little things that keep the inside and outside of our sphere more stable and do not really hurt, they just itch sometimes. Giving up on them is really difficult, because of the chaos their absence leads us to…but on the other side, some things are easier.

I’m feeling this is a stupid post, but I feel like posting it anyway…
Sorry for wasting your time this time, or maybe not...

I.M.H.

…i make silence seem louder as i try listening to it…

This past days have been swallowed by strange feelings, associated with different things happening in me and to my friends…on the other side, I’m more concentrated on silence than on noise…it’s like living in a bubble watching the world outside move, but in reality its me that is moving…like looking outside the window of a moving vehicle while listening to a song that matches the movement. The world appears to be moving and we are still inside the vehicle, the birds dance in the air, the trees dance in the wind, the bugs’ splash on the front window…my brain is retarded by the digesting process of the first month of the year that just started but has already passed. Time, the fourth dimension of our existence, is so difficult to quantify…to feel as equal for each and every one of us. To enjoy equally independently from our state of mind…

Last year I was in great pain…this year started much better. Even so, numbers and figures usually organize my way of functioning…I can’t avoid everything that went on last year and even two years ago. “I seem to be amplifying my madness!” performed by Funami in “Happy dog”…the rational being we are, will never be able to take over the emotional being we reside in, thankfully!
This year, that is what really matters, the discovery continues, and I can not complain…life smiled to me.

But instead of amplifying the sounds around me I focus on the silence behind it…I centre my attention on it, and make the sounds turn into real silence to my mind. A process of reversion that makes everything more difficult…I stop my sphere and let the ground move…when I focus too long on silence I stop, make me wake up and gain notion of the different songs that surround me…a rational process, not an emotional one…that’s why I return frequently to the stand still point.

I don’t believe much in this sentence, but I like it, cause it made me think:
“Beauty is for those who want to see.” Performed by Funami in “Far from rio”

Take care, all of you and enjoy February, the month of carnival. We can always dress up as the person we always wanted to be…or not.

The pure I.M.H.

P.S. - A big hug to A., I know she needs it right now.