Where i end and you begin!

The spirits of ghosts wonder through me. My body and my mind leave me suspended in between daily wonders and moonlight nightmares, like a werewolf mutates during dusk and dawn! “You can scream, and you can shout! It’s too late now! Because you’ve not been paying attention!” Thom York sings in 2+2=5 from the album “Hail to the thief” performed by Radiohead.

Various ways of acting transmute my existence as I change scenario…I suppose we all change during the day (awaken state) adopting the postures (and I don’t mean only physically) that suit us the most…not all of them fit like gloves (I JUST KRANKED UP THE VOLUME TO THE MAXIMUM ON MY HEADPHONES), but there is always that one, that fits us the most and we know that with a few adjustments would become, even with its system failures, the best personality we could adopt…on the other side, while trying to be me I’m never really me…this is frightening due to the "mascara" I am always wearing: the persona! The persons we aspire to become are never those persons we imagine, and every person we know is not really what we make of him/her…as good as we know them, they are never equal to the image we build up in our head…so I sail myself up to the moon, look down and absorb myself as I do while looking at other persons…it’s really strange we can evaluate ourselves from the distance, but like every evaluation we are influenced by everything we are, imposing judgements and “sphere stabilizators” to maintain homeostasis, even dysfunctional ones…and what appears to be the worst is that while making auto-evaluations, I distort even more my perception avoiding destabilizations not being able to correct this system failures…and this incapability becomes even more petrified as closer we get to self and mental pathological states! So pathology seams more as an end-state than the beginning of something, because as we reach it, things become more irreversible!?
This records leads me towards other dimensions of my self...I would like to share this right now (1h55m a.m. – 28/05/2005) and let somebody’s else’s body and mind be re re-dimensioned like I’m doing with mine…I want a specific person and you can’t probably imagine who you are…someday you will…someday I will…mutating.
Thanks all for reading,

Hysteria during a Mutant Imploding…at his best…"Over my dead body" Thom York sings in Go to sleep in the same album performed by the same band

P.S. – And now you ask: And this one, would you fuck her? No, I would first like to gently caress her!

P.S. - "There! There!" Same band same album...

Suspended underwater screams...

I.M.H. photographer and Pictures by: "Time fractions”

Trying to gain centre again…I just need to synchronize my different selves, suspended in different worlds, floating at an underwater speed!

Calm, Fitter, Happier, a pig in a cage on antibiotics…

Today, there must have been an unparalleled arrangement of the universe because, my functioning feels so detuned, so distorted…
“Breath, keep breathing, I can’t do this alone…” Thom York sings in the amazing "Exit Music (For a film)" performed by Radiohead in OK Computer…curiously, this exit music, became the entrance theme for the novel I started to write but never finished…

The way my day evolved appeared to have started the wrong way due to a dream I had last night, that even the instances of my mind started to control, I was never able to abstract from it during the entire day…the image was always coming back, returning in a convulsive way, like I never really woke from the dream, knowing that it was only a dream and I was in what appeared to be the real world…maybe just another matrix…
For a long time I haven’t felt like this…I’ve been working on pictures of my body, dreaming of unsustainable worlds, realities that never gain consistency…do I know where I am, or where I’m going towards…for a moment there, I lost myself (“Karma Police”, performed by Radiohead in the album OK Computer)…I lost the notion of my sphere, I am stumbling in the bottom of it trying to gain centre inside a slowly moving uncontrolled sphere…the dream was a consequence and not a effect of all this chaos, that I can’t harmonize with. So things that seem to be effects, became causes and causes transform themselves in effects and consequently everything spins…but there are things that are pure consequences, and things that are pure effects, even those effects always have to have it’s genesis from something…it’s hard for the human mind to create a paradigm where something emerges from nothing….really nothing: Does this concept really exist: nothing, really nothing! Or is even something nothing?

A chaotic Mutant Imploding during Hysteria

P.S.1 - If you’re thinking it, I’ll answer you: Yes, I would fuck her! Because I’m climbing up the walls…open your skull, I’ll be there.
P.S.2 – Hole post written while listening to OK Computer, performed by Radiohead.

There should be some blood...like a light on the wall.

Photographer: I.M.H. - Pictures and edition by: "Time Fractions"

“I'm ready, I'm ready for the laughing gas

I'm ready, I'm ready for what's next

I'm ready to duck - I'm ready to dive

I'm ready to say I'm glad to be alive

I'm ready, I'm ready for the push…”

Bono sings in Zoo station performed by U2 in the album – “Achtung baby”

The zoo I appear to live in, makes me shout out loud some of this words…
The city lights, on a Friday night become brighter as the first moments of a weekend start to tick...to tick away…everything looks so clear, as I start to gain posture of a moment that only reflects part of something we desire…like two times and moments in space, happening at the same time…the night we always imagine to be and the night that really happens, and only vaguely the true dream becomes reality. Do I raise my expectations too high? Maybe not, I just believe I always want more, and different, and better, I’m never pleased…at the moment I’m absorbed in a search for the “new and now” world…with no direction or dimension, discovering a jungle, aware of the dangers but curious to find new beauties and undiscovered spots whispered out by a hungry virgin that blinks to me with a inexperienced but consciously fulfilled with a provocative desirable smile (by my mind)…“Lisboa” - I whisper back…
The way I perceive music and movement in a way of isolation and interpretation of the actions of everything that surrounds me, has given me, in this city, a complete new perspective of everything…everything…a calmer perception of everything, because it enables me to view everything with a certain motion and rhythm that appears to be a better homeostasis…but it’s only my perception, not that of everyone else…I can only perceive through my senses and try to understand the perception of others, but I will never be able to have a complete equal mirror-image, touch, sounds, tastes, smells and feelings...I can leave you with mine.

A dancing I.M.H.

Somewhere else

Today's post was written as a comment in a friends blog: http://wwwegomet.blogspot.com
The post is entitled: Glory box...look for the comments.

I.M.H.

...city wall painting...

Still fractions of time that the city gave me...

I.M.H. photographer

Pictures by: "Time fractions"

...caleidoscópio de histórias passadas presentes...

Is a fraction of a second do important in our lives?
Time, that notion created by mankind, may become so timeless sometimes…daily we make decisions that direct us towards goals, paths, objectives, places; but there are also moments, that we appear not to have a sudden notion of control…sometimes I wear a t-shirt that says: “The power stops at the barrel of a gun.”…from the moment that the bullet reaches that point in time/place, we lose power over the action we appear to be in control of. Once I felt I had lost that control in a very evident way…but I also felt that something changed the course of that bullet…I felt that I was lucky enough to have a second chance, something that we mostly never have after a decision is made and the action has already taken place. I don’t believe we have seven lives like cats…I believe that some persons do not even have one, but at least a second chance I had…this was more than eight years ago…loads of things changed inside and around me, but it feels like I’m getting a greater fulfilment of this next shot…was it the laws of physics? some spiritual force? whatever (I’m not going to discuss that), I do not fucking care but I got enough insight, and sometimes this insight is reminded to me, to look at everything from that new and different perspective…

Yes, there are fractions of seconds that are decisive in our lives…I do not control every one of them and, like most persons I know, I let myself go sometimes…but when you’re shooting a gun, don’t start thinking when the bullet is already in the barrel, start thinking before you start pressuring the trigger! You may not get a bullet deflection...or like most peolple say: second chance like me.

Historically Imploding Mutant Hysteria

Idioteque on other directions...

The perception of a kind of perfection generated by chaos makes me float in unidentified directions that are others that I, at first, determined…makes me feel like an idiot dancing in a radio tuned discotheque! But even so I let myself go at he beat, rhythm of various instruments all played individually but creating and unanimous atmosphere…I don’t need vision, taste, touch or smell: music leads me into all those senses and kinesis transports me in an undetermined numbers of positions and places, with people and surroundings that make surreal seem real, and Dalí painting looks like a common photograph picture of our daily life.
I can’t avoid the city to take me there…I want to be taken there…I demand it and force it…implode, explode, combust, corrode, develop, degradate, decay, expand, inflate, shrink…I go bigger and smaller, but I go…my sphere is in constant change and, even when sometimes it is painful or appears unpleasant, I know at the end it will be better! Everything will get in it’s right place, despite every single phase it has to go through…I feel people are too stubborn to change, tied to their stable and homeostatic pseudo happiness produced by pills, fake movements and behaviours…but that it just my feeling, it doesn’t mean it’s a good one…maybe I’m too tied to my pseudo chaotic unbalanced sphere control!

Just an Imploding Mutant deranged by Hysteria.

P.S. – I saw a great Nicola Conte concert today…especially the drummers and horns performances!

Dreamsequence...

As I walked alone through the empty city streets at 2 in the morning I stumble on garbage man, whores, drunken adolescents, billboard changing mans…single moments of life isolated by the silence that their sounds submerge in me, because my ears are shut by dEUS, in an Ideal Crash as the dreamsequence evolves…like living under water listening to music…the problem is that we always need to reach the surface to breath or we die: “Wouldn’t you like to be able to breath underwater?”

I’m writing this new post and feeling like floating underwater or flying above the city lights that peacefully sleeps in a restful night…images of all kind burp in my visual perception as I close my eyes…people appear in them, others I make disappear...I choose this dreamsequence, as I also choose how it starts or ends, but I can’t avoid the interference of my whole self, that implodes undesired things into it (undesired, unresolved, unwanted, disturbing…whatever)…not even our awaken dreams we completely control…these aren’t free of scars and bursts…but are the closest we get to our perception of perfection, even it may be very imperfect!
Even so, not being able to imagine makes us more than dead to whatever we are, but we must be able to return to the real world…I’m proud of being a Spaceboy performing as a Talkshow Host feeling as an Imploding Mutant Hysteria in the body that was given to me.

Dream in a sequence of 1 = 2 and 2 + 2 = 5
I.M.H.

P.S. - 0% substance used in the making of this post.

Plastic Love Memory

Te essence of the past days have thrown me into moments of intensity…one year ago I could never predict all this cascade of events evolving inside and outside of me…
The question is: Is everything better or worse?
I can not define…I could say it is different…better in some of the aspects and worse in other…the rhythm is completely different…the pace, the smell, the sound, the touch and image of the whole thing…the world has become a different place for me…so I can only conclude, that it’s not the world that has changed, it’s me and mostly the way I live and perceive the world.

I believe I’m enjoying more my life…mostly due to the greater position of indifference I inherited now, confronting myself more with choices and the importance of making them in life…facing important choices...attacking things I believe…not avoiding things that disturb me, but cleaning everything up…not leaving messes behind.

The first three months of the year are over…I’ve been as honest as I could…I’ve had/seen some peculiar moments with birds…

Thanx to all who’ve made this possible. Love, peace and empathy to you all…

I.M.H.